sleep in my eyes
April 28, 2007: 2:09 AM

(Blog Soundtrack: Tim DeLaugher - Skinny Dip. Open it in a new tab/window and read along)



"The only way to avoid being miserable is not to have enough leisure to wonder whether you are happy or not."
—George Bernard Shaw

Somebody told me to remember something along those lines when I first started my first year of university. I was a political science major and there was no doubt I was going to change the world.



Sure, I was naïve. I couldn't even tell you, at that point, all nineteen years of me, which party I'd want to run for. Or, what my views were. Or anything else for that matter.

I thought then, going to college is about filling in all the blanks and getting to a happier place.

I think now, going to college is about getting to a place where you're happier about drawing all the blanks.

Good thing I switched out of politics.



So, that was four years ago. Yesterday I walked out of the last exam of my undergrad into an overcast morninglight with sleep still lingering in my eyes. Walked across the campus to my car with a shiny new parking ticket. It didn't bother me, but it wasn't because of any kind of post-exam euphoria or anything,

no,

if anything, I think it was just the sleep in my eyes.



So, that's that. I'm an honours philosophy graduate, and now I'm in limbo.

It still hasn't hit me, if that's what you're wondering. People already have been asking me how it feels, and I'm not sure it's as big a deal as would be required to ask "how it feels".

You're allowed to ask how it feels when you get off a rollercoaster.

or, when your team wins the pennant.

or, when you wake up with a hangover.

or, when the doctor checks your reflexes.

or, after a really good long thunderstorm.

Because then, you always feel different, and you always feel different right away. Me? My bookbag still isn't empty, and I still have late fees at the library. It's 5:08AM because I'm so used to staying up on a study schedule that I have to stay up late just to keep the sleep from my eyes at reasonable hours.



I went out and drank irish liquor last night at the oldest tavern in town, and tonight I went out across the border to watch the baseball game from a hundred feet up.

I'm running out of ways to keep myself busy, though. That's the trouble with being out of school. Maybe soon enough it'll hit me,

and maybe soon enough I'll have time and leisure enough to wonder whether I am happy or not.



Thanks for the comments: Sean, Snowy.

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